The Cabin Zoo: Who’s Sitting Next to You?

Print Friendly and PDF The following lines describe some typical behaviors of the average passenger. It doesn’t have much to do with the fear of flying, but I wanted to include it anyway; perhaps on your next trip, you’ll recognize yourself in one of these stereotypes—or you’ll definitely spot one of them and crack a smile!

  • The "Know-it-all": The person who, throughout the entire flight, lectures their neighbor with "highly technical" explanations about flying, most of the time spouting total nonsense! He is likely more afraid than you are, but he exorcises his terror by fooling himself into thinking he knows exactly what is happening (hey, it’s not a bad method, right?)
  • The "House Mover": The person who manages to bypass baggage size checks (which, to be honest, are often way too lax) and brings an enormous trolley on board. They then try to shove it by force into the overhead bin—I’ve never quite figured out if they’re hoping the bin will expand or the suitcase will compress! The lack of proper checks at the gate creates unpleasant situations; space on small or medium-sized aircraft is physically limited. Flight attendants are either forced to act as a filter, asking people to leave larger bags at the aircraft door to be put in the hold, or a "first-come, first-served" chaos ensues, infuriating those who see their appropriately sized bags taken away because someone else got on first with a giant "sarcophagus."
  • The "Salmon": Following the previous point, sometimes you have to store your bag several rows away from your seat. The problem arises during deplaning when someone’s bag is "upstream" against the flow of passengers heading for the exit. Instead of waiting for the flow to stop, they obstinately push back against the crowd like a salmon to retrieve their bag, creating massive chaos.
  • The "Always Connected": The person who, despite announcements and checks by the crew, feels they MUST make that one last life-or-death phone call until the plane is literally lined up for takeoff. Similarly, as soon as the wheels touch the ground, they can’t resist the urge to check their latest Facebook likes or social media messages. Or, while the plane is still rolling at high speed, they call their mom, grandma, or aunt to say, "Hey Mom, I just landed!"
  • The "Do You Know Who I Am?": The person who holds some administrative title or prestigious professional position and cannot stand being told they are breaking a rule or a basic norm of social behavior. They invariably open with the fateful phrase...

DontWorryFlyHappy!